The Clique Factor. Posted by Mopey Chick
Female relationships are more difficult to manage than male ones because there is more of an emotional connection in how women communicate with each other, and beneath this a level of deep seated competitiveness that has potentially damaging effects.
After having been devastated in my teens by close female friends who would turn on me overnight and sometimes even rally a team of other girls together to strengthen their cause, I made a subconscious decision to give women a wider birth than men. Although I have witnessed men being much nastier and bitchier than women, I seem to find it easier to deal with. Possibly, deep down I expect more from the fairer sex, or have a stronger bond with them and that is why I get hurt more when they turn on me. Who knows?
I still prefer socialising with women to men, but I also have a deep seated fear that I cannot shift that they are going to divulge my secrets to people, judge my appearance harshly, and make me compromise my individuality. The result is that I try not to get too close so that I am not disappointed when it happens.
I long ago developed an iron constitution against the feeling of being left out by groups of tittering, overtly huggy women who carefully mastermind their social circles or cliques based on some sort of unspoken pecking order. A close friend once turned on me and never spoke to me again after discovering that my parents had a small black and white TV in the 80s, when video’s were becoming the trendy thing to have.
I find the women’s world a terrifying environment to operate in, but am secretly flattered when I am included in it.
Image from: gettyimages.com
After having been devastated in my teens by close female friends who would turn on me overnight and sometimes even rally a team of other girls together to strengthen their cause, I made a subconscious decision to give women a wider birth than men. Although I have witnessed men being much nastier and bitchier than women, I seem to find it easier to deal with. Possibly, deep down I expect more from the fairer sex, or have a stronger bond with them and that is why I get hurt more when they turn on me. Who knows?
I still prefer socialising with women to men, but I also have a deep seated fear that I cannot shift that they are going to divulge my secrets to people, judge my appearance harshly, and make me compromise my individuality. The result is that I try not to get too close so that I am not disappointed when it happens.
I long ago developed an iron constitution against the feeling of being left out by groups of tittering, overtly huggy women who carefully mastermind their social circles or cliques based on some sort of unspoken pecking order. A close friend once turned on me and never spoke to me again after discovering that my parents had a small black and white TV in the 80s, when video’s were becoming the trendy thing to have.
I find the women’s world a terrifying environment to operate in, but am secretly flattered when I am included in it.
Image from: gettyimages.com
posted by letters from london @ 7:23 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Mopey Chick. Cool post, hope we’ll see more of you on here. And good job coolnina, this is a great blog - love reading it, and hope to write something for it myself. Love having a place to come and bitch!
I think this post is soooo relevant, because let’s face it, we’ve all been on the receiving end of bitchy women, and so called ‘friends’. It exists from when we are at school right up until we should be old enough to know better.
I think really secure people don’t need validation through keeping a clique or entourage, and some of the coolest people I know fly solo. Those are the real individuals – they don’t need anyone else’s acceptance or approval to be OK with themselves. You sound like one of these people, so good on you.
As for men, well, as you said, they can be just as bitchy if not bitchier then women. Also they gossip just like we do, and can be blatantly rude to each other when they want macho one-upmanship.
I think the real ticket is to be choiceful as to who you call your friends.
Hmm, good points raised here I think. But what can I say, I love my girlfriends. I like to think I see them as individuals who also happen to be part of a bigger group at times. Though you're right, when women get into groups they can be bitchy - it's the sad truth.
Something I like to use as a guide for myself is that I try not to say anything about someone that I know I wouldn't be cool with saying to their face. Not always easy, but it means you think before you open your mouth and consider the damage you are capable of doing.
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